Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
