i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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