i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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