if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
