I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
