Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
bring money and cleavage
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize