I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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