i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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