also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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