found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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