btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
