i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What changed your mind?
Being sober
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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