i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
