I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
