Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
