remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
