He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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