google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
