he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
