we made out on top of his cat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Couch. On fire.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
