I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
