today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
