yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
