I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
