the condom got lost in my hair
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
