he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize