Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
