I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
