Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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