Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
