Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
