She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
