I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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