Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My balls are so social today.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
