Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
