i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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