girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
