from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We left an ass print on the piano.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
