just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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