my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
