don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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