I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
