He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
