im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
