you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
