Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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