I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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