the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it glows. i had to have it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
