I think I am morally bankrupt
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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