If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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