is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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