Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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