I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
