My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
