If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
