my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
