where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
