Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
