I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
