That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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