It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
