my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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