Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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