im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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