6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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