My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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