she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
