They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize