i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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