I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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