I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
