Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
