the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
