Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
