he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize