There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
