So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
