u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
