I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
BRING THE BAGELS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
