I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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