Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
