I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
