How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
