OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
