Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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