Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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