Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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