the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
