apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize