just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
