it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
