I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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