I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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