a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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