Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
