Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize