i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You're earring is so big in my mouth
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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