If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
