I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
