her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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