i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
