Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
